FIFTY AND BROKE

I am a textile artist and financial advisor living in Saskatoon, SK.  At age seventeen I studied fashion then went on to graduate from The Alberta College of Art & Design in textiles.  I have worked as a textile dyer primarily in theatre and film for over twenty years and for the past seventeen years I have been working as a Financial Advisor.

As I approached the age of fifty I was broke and broken. I was miserable, isolated, alone, depressed, divorced and in debt. Working as a Financial Advisor I met many clients who were also in dire situations due to divorce, death, job loss, family fighting, declining health, addiction and stupid decisions. I had to hit my own rock bottom before deciding once and for all to make some big changes to my life, and put together a financial plan to get out of debt and to heal my financial health which also helped to heal my mental health.

My financial plan centered around paying off over $300,000 debt which took a great deal of sacrifice and self discipline over five long, hard years. As the debt started to decrease I felt differently about myself shifting from shame to pride and I started to share how I did this with my friends and clients.

As an artist, I started to look at myself internally and examine how my mental health had deteriorated to such an extent over the years. I realized for decades I had been punishing, shaming and blaming myself through a deeply personal internal conversation while allowing those I loved to also assault me with words, opinions and comments. I had been hiding my emotional and financial shame, putting on a façade for the world, and I want to bring to light the contrast of this disguise I gave myself for most of my adult life.  I had allowed fear, shame and embarrassment to be internalized in silence.

So I ask do words have the power of bullets and swords, and can they assault, devastate and even destroy?